Another day…venting

40 Weeks Down…Day 283

Today was a better day overall.  The days are getting a little easier and i’m getting back into a little bit of a routine.  I just have to set little goals for myself.  I only have two weeks/one more weekend alone in Miami then I get to spend 10 days in Maine with my family!  I had a good dream last night that we were together again and I woke up in a better mood for the day today.  I’ve slept away the last two weekends and haven’t even gotten dressed….that part probably isn’t healthy. LoL

So, I just need to vent a little bit.  Maybe i’ve been too negative lately…maybe I just stink as being as Army fiancee.  I don’t know…  Sometimes I get SOOOOO sick of judgemental people.  I hate when people who have never been through a deployment with their husband/fiance tell me how i’m supposed to think/feel/act.  I went through this as an Army BRAT and little sister and i’ve had to completely readjust.  Missing your best friend and the person you love more than anyone else in this world, the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with…sucks more than anything.  Deployments are hard and there’s always someone who has it worse, so I don’t mean to belittle anyone, but it’s so frustrating.  I’m sure people on multiple deployments or who have kids could say the same about me…but this one is my vent. 🙂  I hear people tell me “cheer up” or he’ll be home soon.  If I didn’t get sad or miss the man i’m choosing to spend my forever with, I think there would be a problem.  And soon is not now.  When you watch the entire world go about with their own lives, it’s hard to not become bitter.  I don’t, of course, because I wouldn’t change our life for anything in the world, but sometimes it’s hard to not get jealous.  Sometimes I don’t want to hear how awesome the time with your boyfriend/husband is while mine is serving in a war zone…

Maybe i’m just losing my patience.  I’m just ready to have my fiance home and to be able to plan our wedding together…in the same room not from 5000+ miles away.  I’m trying to keep a positive attitude, but somedays or points throughout the day i’m just not feeling it.  That’s not when I want to be cheered up.  I want to be emotional, I want to be sad, and I want to throw a pity party.  I will pick myself up and move on, but I need those moments.  I dont’ need to feel guilty for having them either.  Everyone deals with things like this differently and the more I talk to other military wives/fiance’s the more I realize i’m completely normal and the people on the outside just don’t understand.  So if you don’t know what to say, ask…don’t assume and make me feel worse.  That is all 🙂

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